sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
