..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
