Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
