Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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