He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
