dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
