I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
and you fell through a lawn chair
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
