why do cheetos always look like penises
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
