I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
