im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
This show inspires me to have sex in space
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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