I need help removing her.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
