I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
