I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
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