what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize