Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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