you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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