I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
