Got a toothbrush?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
