Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i wish my penis had a tongue
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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