weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize