wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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