Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
