I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
