Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
