I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
