i think i have two assholes
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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