my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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