There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I booty called her while she was in labor.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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