i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
only you would photoshop your dick
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
