then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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