She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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