she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
