My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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