After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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