We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize