i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
