I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
