Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
