Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
