I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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