Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
