he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
