They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You ate ashes out of my bong
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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