dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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