I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i would punch a child for taco bell
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
