I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
that is very illegal...i love you.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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