That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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