Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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