did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
