im holly from the hills drunk
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
