Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize