u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
