She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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