my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
