Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
