I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
