I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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