I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
