i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
