it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize