you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
