he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
His hands were made for my vagina.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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