We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Are these your boobs on my camera?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize