My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
