bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize