Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
